*All photos were taken by Sarah: ohitssare
Twitter: @ohitssare
Instagram: ohitssare_*
I’ve been sat here looking at a blank page for a while now. You
know when you have so much that you want to say but you’re not sure how to put
those thoughts into words? That’s me right this moment. I’m also quite anxious
about writing this post as 1) it’s a lot different to what I normally write and
2) I have never been very open about this subject therefore the thought of
sharing it on the internet seems daunting.
My body weight is something I have constantly struggled with back
in school which was 5 years ago and it’s been an ongoing battle ever since.
Let’s just say, I wasn’t exactly the slimmest of girls and I’m still not. I’ve
lost weight since but I’m still not what you would consider as ‘slim’. During
school, I got bullied about my weight in person and over social media. The
words ‘fat’ came out of people’s mouths like word vomit and when someone starts
saying something about you constantly, you start to believe it for yourself.
That’s when the anxiety kicks in.
I’ve never been a confident person as it is, therefore being put
down and made to feel small just makes everything worse. I’m the sort of person
that tries to find the positive in every situation possible but sometimes
that’s hard to do when you’re getting such nasty words thrown at you. I
remember I would always try to just ignore them and brush it off but as soon as
I got home, I’d break down and cry for hours on end. Thinking to myself “Why do
I have to be so fat?” or “I need to stop eating” – thinking back to that point
in my life makes me sad and angry. To think that I let such heartless people
get to me like that just angers me. I was very shy and if I’m honest, I didn’t
know how to stick up for myself back then and I didn’t really want to give them
the light of day as I knew they were trying to get a reaction out of me. I
wasn’t willing to give it to them.
For years I have battled with my weight shifting up and down due
to contraceptive pills, stress and just generally eating either less or more.
There was a point in my life where I wasn’t eating enough therefore I was
always tired and would occasionally faint and it still scares me to this day
that I let myself get like that. I am finally at a weight I’m comfortable with,
I’m a happy size 12 and I have learnt to accept that I’m never going to be a
size 8 but that’s okay. It does make me sad however that I feel like social
media has played a huge part in making my self-esteem lower as I remember seeing
so many magazines on how to achieve the “perfect” body or magazines ripping
apart other celebrities just because they put a bit of weight on. It makes me
so upset thinking younger girls are reading stuff like that probably thinking
to themselves that they need to look a certain way.
With the support of my wonderful friends, family and fiancé, I
have learnt to accept my body for what it is. Of course, I still get those days
where I feel insecure (just like everyone has those days) but each day I try to
think of the positives. I’m learning to love my stretch marks and embracing my
curves, and I’m slowly learning not to give a crap about what other people
think of me. I need to worry about loving myself first instead of loving the
idea of other people loving me.
I guess what I’m trying to get across in this post is, you are all
beautiful. No matter what shape or size you are. I think it’s time we all start
appreciating how we look and learn to love ourselves instead of comparing
ourselves to others. Never did I ever think I’d be sat here posting pictures of
full body shots over the internet, it would be something I didn’t have the
confidence for back in the day. It just goes to show how far I’ve come.
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“Self-confidence is the best outfit”
“To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s
about knowing and accepting who you are”
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